Partner, Not Problem: What Parents in Special Education Need

When I came across the recent study by Ruby Batz and Sheresa Blanchard, “When Being an Expert May Not Be Enough: Understanding the Experiences of Special Education Professionals Parenting Children with Disabilities,” I felt both understood and frustrated.

The study looks at the experiences of 25 mother-educators—women who balance being experts in special education with advocating for their own kids with disabilities. As a former Special Education teacher and Social Emotional Learning Specialist—and, more importantly, as a mom of kids with disabilities—I totally get what that’s like. It’s kind of like walking a tightrope, trying to balance what I know should happen with the reality of what does happen when it’s your own child involved.

Expertise Can Be a Double-Edged Sword

One part of the study that really stood out to me was how our professional knowledge can sometimes actually make things harder. I’ve walked into meetings thinking we’d all work together, but the moment I ask a question or use professional terms, the energy changes. I’m not trying to take over—I just want to be part of the process. But often, that knowledge ends up making people defensive instead of open to working with me.

Not Enough Support

This one really hit home. I’ve seen teachers who care, but without the proper training or resources, it often feels like a lot of trial and error. The issue isn’t that teachers don’t care—it’s that the system doesn’t give them the support they need to truly help our kids. And, unfortunately, it’s our kids who suffer because of it.

The Power Imbalance

The imbalance in IEP meetings is real. I’ve been the only parent sitting in a room full of professionals. Even though I know the system, I’ve still found myself wondering: Am I asking too much? Will pushing for something hurt my child in the long run? I’ve helped other parents find their voice in these meetings, but it’s a lot harder when it’s my own child. It’s draining—and the system makes it that much harder for parents to advocate for their kids.

Turning Frustration into Action

That frustration is what pushed me to leave the classroom and start supporting families. I couldn’t forget what I went through, so now I help parents understand evaluations, get ready for meetings, and push for the services their kids need. Like one mother in the study said, “That’s why I got into special education—to help parents and be on their side.” That really resonates with me.

So, What’s Next?

This study isn’t just a set of findings—it’s a reality check for many of us. If people who know the system well are running into these walls, what does that mean for families who don’t have that insider knowledge?

The special education system isn’t failing because people don’t care. It’s failing because it wasn’t built to include and support families. But that can—and needs to—change.

If you’re a parent feeling overwhelmed by the system, just know: your voice matters. If you’re a professional who’s also a parent, you’re not alone. And if you’re an educator wondering what you can do better, start by listening to parents.